I’m Exhausted, Angry, Upset - But Still Fighting

Written By Hanna Addis

I’m tired. I’m beyond pissed. I’m heartbroken. I cannot count the number of times I have broken down crying from reading what is going on in the world, what has been happening to brown and black people consistently in this country and around the world - and not just now. For centuries, black people have been abused in every way imaginable: stolen from their countries, faced unimaginable trauma and abuse, build a country stolen from Native Americans, live in Jim Crow times and through segregation, have fought and protested and spoken up about these issues and still not have the government address, listen, or care about the systemic oppression of its people. Still many of these communities do not have the resources, the attention, the care to start rebuilding and giving many of these people an equal and fair opportunity to succeed. Many are still bullied, abused, oppressed, lose job opportunities because of their name, have to change their hairstyle or risk being fired, must assimilate and lose a connection to their cultural roots, not get paid as much as their co-workers, work twice as hard to get half of what other people have. I am tired of living in a world where I am afraid for my family, my friends, my neighbors, my community, and myself on a constant basis.

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Let me be clear on something - a black person should not have to die for people to be outraged with the system currently in place.


Racism exists in every facet of our system and society, and those who are just waking up to this have no idea the power and comfort their privilege has caused them. I have been called racial slurs. I have been racially profiled while shopping. I have had to sit in class discussions listening to people play the “devil’s advocate.” I have had to listen to people say or read people making racial jokes that made me question my identity. I have questioned if I am beautiful as I don’t conform to the standards of mainstream Eurocentric beauty. I have had to travel alone at night and felt unsafe as both a black person and a woman. I have passed police officers many times fearing for my life if I make the slightest wrong move. I have had to have difficult conversations with myself and those around me about power dynamics and the harm it can have on a person’s mental well-being. And in spite of all that, I still recognize the privileges and opportunities I have relative to many other black people and it breaks my heart. There is no monolith for the black experience and understanding our identity, but an overarching theme of struggle and overcoming many hurdles is something I have seen resonate far and wide. Even during the current protests, we see many officers abusing their power to assault protestors who have a constitutional right to protest, assaulting children, announcing and enforcing curfews right around when they start and blocking protestors trying to abide by them to justify assaulting protestors (while there were no curfews enforced at this level during a global health pandemic), many violent acts during the protests not being associated with the movement, attacking the media for reporting about what has gone on (including permanently injuring/blinding some journalists), some police forces kneeling with protestors as performative activism and then shortly after start attacking protestors, and so much more.

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For those who are now becoming aware of the world around them and their privilege, I’m happy that you are here to listen, educate yourselves, and support the cause. Many of your black companions’ pain was taught at a very young age and carry with them through life, so amplifying and listening to those voices is an important step. However, there are MANY ways to be involved and use your anger at the system for good. For those of you like myself who are slightly more immnocompromised and live with others, protesting might not be the safest move for you (though it is a very powerful way to send a message). There are MANY petitions circulating, MANY organizations doing incredible work to help promote racial equality, MANY ways to donate and support the cause if you are financially-capable of doing that, MANY bail funds for those who are brave and capable of going out directly in the streets to fight for equality again for those who are financially-capable of doing that, MANY news articles/books/resources to educate yourself about black people’s struggle in this country. If possible, even starting your own protest/memorial in your area or online to honor the lives of those who have been lost. It also makes a big difference reaching out to your black friends to make sure they know you want to actively help and are there to listen to them if they feel comfortable. Listen to black people’s stories and experiences (if they are ready and feel comfortable sharing) - especially those from even more vulnerable communities such as those who are women, lower-income, immigrants, LGBT+, Muslim, etc. - and actively be open to being uncomfortable. Pay attention during national, state, and local elections for all positions and make sure you hold those people accountable. Have those uncomfortable conversations with people who don’t understand what is going on or saying something offensive and call them out. Research and learn different avenues of tackling the issue of police brutality, including understanding the origin of policing to capture slaves in the South as well as the possibility of defunding them and offering alternate options. I also think it is important to prioritize your mental health and making sure you take care of your well-being; instead of letting your guilt or anger eat you out, find productive ways of taking care of yourselves while still speaking out against injustice.

From left to right: George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery , Breonna Taylor, Trayvon Martin, Freddie Gray, Atatiana Jefferson, Tamir Rice, Sandra Bland, Eric Garner#BlackLivesMatter #SayHerName

From left to right: George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery , Breonna Taylor, Trayvon Martin, Freddie Gray, Atatiana Jefferson, Tamir Rice, Sandra Bland, Eric Garner

#BlackLivesMatter #SayHerName

This only ends when we stop being compliant and start actively listening and taking care of one another. Actions speak louder than words and this is a fight for all of us. 

Here are a few resources to start making a difference:

Hanna Addis


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Justin Trudeau: Canada's Warrior for Civic Engagement